I've decided I'm getting serious about blogging at least on a weekly basis. It's only been thirteen days since last time, so I'm getting better. It promises to be a strange mix of whatever's on my mind. This week has been strange due to a couple of oddball injuries in our family. Last Saturday, I was injured by a buffalo wing to the eye. No, Amy didn't chuck it at me, although she is getting feistier as she suffers with heat and child. I was just minding my own business, eating peacefully, and as I pulled it away from my mouth, a piece flew off into my eye, somehow making it underneath my glasses. I was more embarrassed than in pain, until I opened my eye and felt the burn of the buffalo sauce. It took some rinsing with cold water and a few minutes of extra care until I recovered, but let that be a warning to ya.
Even more strange was the next day. We came home from church and Jackson immediately fled to the backyard as he is wont to do, and after changing clothes, Amy went out and found him completely dirty from playing in his favorite spot just under the deck. She threw him in the shower, and as time went on his upper lip started swelling. And I'm talking comic-book proportions, like the scene in Hitch where Will Smith eats shellfish and his whole face starts puffing up. He looked like a platypus, but he showed no signs of pain, and was in fact in above average spirits. We called the pharmacist, I made a quick Sabbath excursion to buy some children's Benadryl, and it took two days for the swelling to completely subside. We found out later that what happened was that he'd been stung by a bee on the inside of his lip. How that happens I have no idea, but of course it had to be the autistic son who can't communicate. Here is a shot of the damage:
Anyway, I've been no stranger to bizarre injuries in my life. My all-time favorite was when I was a missionary in Cape Verde (a small island country in West Africa), and hurriedly got out of the shower when I heard a ruckus which I knew could only mean the guys were in hot pursuit of a mouse. As I did so, I scraped my leg against the jagged edge of a bidet (a porcelain plumbing fixture, popular in Europe, that is situated next to the toilet, with a nozzle that squirts your unmentionables as an alternative to toilet paper). I bled profusely and allowed one of my missionary cohorts who was semi-trained in first aid to stitch me up rather than going to the local hospital where I figured they'd probably amputate my leg with a rusty saw. I still have the scar, but came out of it much better than the mouse, who was literally torn in half when my fat, hairy companion tried to stomp him and lost his footing, sliding across the floor with the upper body under his foot. Now that I think about it, that was a pretty colorful day, and that was just the lunch break. Anyway, I'd love to hear any stories you may have of bizarre injuries. I'm tempted to prematurely declare Julia Munns Burdych the winner, since I know about one particular owwie that you couldn't even make up, but I'll wait a few days and see if anyone can top it. Okay, go!
Another mission story.
ReplyDeleteIn Northern Brazil, it rains almost daily, and the sewage system runs above ground. Not a good combination. So one time, after lunch, my companion and I were walking the Sisters home. Crossing over a small stream of poo, a Sister told me to step on a "white rock" which was actually a block of styrofoam. I knew it wasn't a rock, I just figured there was more footing undernaeth it. So I sstepped and fell chest-high in human defication.
Hold on.
Meanwhile, we were teaching an awesome family with a crazy mother-in-law. She was like the evilest of grannies. She had already poured milk on us, doused us with vitamin, even pulled a knife on us. After cleaning up and much copercing from my compaion, we headed out later that day to go teach this family. Sure enough, no later than three minutes into it, she came in and threw EAR MEDICATION on us, which got on my clean clothes, in my mouth, and in my EYE. Ear medication to the eye. It burns us! and the taste wasn't exactly scrumptious, either. It tasted like liquified earwax. The injury to the eye was pretty painful, but the psychological pain was unbearable.
I can't think of many bizarre injury stories, but the eye thing rings a bell:
ReplyDeleteWhen I was a wee lass of high school age working at Taco Time, I was restocking the salsa bar one evening; I was concentrating on the jalapenos, wearing gloves to protect myself. A few minutes later, I itched my eye, and it went aflame. I guess the jalapeno juice went right through the dumb little glove, and it HURT! I had to go douse my eye with cold water too, and upon talking with my boss about it the next day, he told me I should've gone to the doctor over that one. So he said...My eye is still intact and works better than yours, so there. :)
Also...fast forward several years: I was living in my apartment in IF (a few years ago), making homemade chili (because it's typically pretty dang cold in IF 7 months out of the year). Anyway, I was dicing a jalapeno, and a chunk of it shot into my eye. About 20 minutes later my friend Jason came by to say hello, and my eye was still blood-shot and streaming tears.
I'm pretty sure the direct hit to the eye hurt worse than the juice, but maybe it's just because that memory is more recent.
What is it with me and jalapenos, anyway?
My first year at scoutcamp, on the first day, i was walking a crossed a stream on a one log bridge. The bark had all been stripped and the branches were all chopped off except for one little 1" nub. I slipped and that little tree branch nub almost ruined any chance I had at posterity. I spent the rest of the week nursing 5 stitches on the inside of my upper groin area and cursing the fact that all water activity other than showering was out of the question.
ReplyDeleteI also hit a brick plant box on my mission requiring 5 stitches in my shin.
Broke my ankle skiing 6 days before my wedding requiring a walking boot.
and got burning fuse from a bottle rocket in my eye when I was 17.
I could go on and on but that would just be plain embarassing.
`nathan
Julia totally stopped by to read your blog like I told her to...but I think she was too embarrassed to share that story. Too bad too, because I laugh till I cry every time I hear that story! Ha!
ReplyDeleteWorking a summer of construction building a cabin up in the mountains and shot a nail through 2 of my fingers, pinning them together. Went clean through one and stopped when it hit the bone of the other one.
ReplyDeleteOk...I totally forgot to post a comment forever ago...sorry! Yes. Mine might totally take it but maybe you already named someone else the winner since I am such a daft prick:)
ReplyDeleteSOOOO it is junior year in high school and my friend Haylee and I decided to go to a baseball game. Box Elder was ghetto at the time and only had wooden bench bleachers to sit on. We were one of the few people actually at the game so there was plenty of room on the bleachers. We were sitting enjoying the game and a foul ball is hit right up and over and is coming right for my head. I decide the best option is of course to SLIDE across the bench. Very smart. I was wearing sweatpants and I felt the wooden goodness go in. I told Haylee that I felt we should leave and she didn't quite understand what was wrong with me. I told her there was a splinter in me but I didn't elaborate. She took me home and I actually thought I could get it out myself so I spent quite awhile sitting in the bathroom trying to pull it out. It was then that I realized where the splinter was located. The splinter was near the crack upper thigh area:) JOYFUL! So I spend a few hours trying to do this myself. Why? I think it was because I was so so so so embarrassed, but looking back I think that I just didn't want to go to the doctor. Anywhozer, I finally realized I couldn't get the darn thing out myself so I went and asked my mom to get me an appointment for the doc. She tried but couldn't get me in until tomorrow and it was around 7 the previous night!!!! I had to go to school with a splinter (didn't know how big but I knew if was sticking out of me). The teachers let me stand as much as I needed but seriously! So I head to the doc's with my mom and he tells me to drop my pants and see this splinter like it wasn't a big deal for him. So he and my mom are staring at my butt and he decides that he can't get it out without cutting it out. So he deadens the area and takes the scalpal and cuts the sucker out. It was around 5 INCHES LONG and about 1/2 INCH WIDE! No joke. They both had some laughs and I was red from head to toe so that means my butt was red as well. The doc grabs a tetanus shot, sticks it in my rear, smacks it and tells me to have a good day:) That's my bizarre injury.