Survey #2: Worst Movie Ever

Okay people, it's time to dig in deep to your most horrific and painful memories, and cast your vote for the worst movies ever. It's been only two weeks since our last (and first) survey, which I had planned to make a monthly feature on the blog. But when I was at the Redbox today, I noticed that Rob Schneider's masterpiece, Big Stan, is going straight to DVD tomorrow, and I thought this would be a great topic. For those of you who missed the memo, Big Stan is the moving story of a con artist who panics when he learns he's going to prison for fraud, and his fear of jailhouse rape leads him to hire a martial arts guru to teach him self-defense. It gets better: the guru is none other than David Carradine, the actor who plays Bill on Kill Bill, and the movie's original title was Unrapeable. Seriously. I couldn't make this stuff up. Anyhoo, the thought occurred to me, how bad would this movie have to be to be sent straight to DVD? Rob Schneider has set the bar pretty low with The Animal, The Hot Chick, and TWO Deuce Bigalow movies, all of which got theatrical releases. I am almost tempted to pick it up just to see how much worse it could be, and am extra intrigued because it features Jennifer Morrison (Cameron from House) as Schneider's wife.

So, let's hear your thoughts on some of your least favorite movies. The Animal may be the worst alleged comedy I've ever sat through, although the remake of The Producers came close. For overrated pretentious crap, it's hard to top The English Patient. For raping my childhood and destroying a classic, Treasure Planet deserves a special place in movie hell. 27 Dresses and Pillow Talk are two bad chick flicks that, even by bad chick flick standards (dialogue that makes you cringe, an obnoxious speech about love, and the girl predictably getting whatever she wants in the end, even if she's an incorrigible wench) are complete and utter garbage. Ghost Rider deserves a mention as possibly the worst movie I've seen in the last couple of years, or worst Nicolas Cage movie, which has kind of become its own genre. Cage seems to be playing with our minds, taking only the best and worst movies offered to him with absolutely no middle ground. And no list would be complete without Batman and Robin, which revels in its awfulness, and can only be described as super-gay, what with all the rubber nipples, codpieces, and choreographed henchmen wreaking havoc in rhythm, and nearly killed any future Batman films altogether. Alfred is at death's door, then just when all seems lost, comes out to say "I'm all better now. Oh, and I took the liberty of making Alicia Silverstone a bat-suit for ladies. You know, with boobies... just in case she wanted to fight crime. Or something." And we can't fail to mention Arnold Schwarzenegger's nuanced, subtle portrayal of Mr. Freeze. Anyway, whether it's of the "so-bad-it's-good" variety, or simply "so-bad-I-wanted-to bleach-my-eyes," the floor is now yours.